Updated: Feb 24, 2021
“UP TO HALF MY KINGDOM I WILL GIVE YOU”. ESTHER 5:3
I think of Esther. Standing in the hallway right before she faces the King. I imagine her heart beating out of her chest, palms maybe a bit sweaty. She’s probably thinking through the events that lead to this moment. Probably wondering how in the world she got to this place. Remembering being smuggled out of her own war torn country, moving in with Mordecai, entering into a nationwide search for a new queen and now here she stood. About to face the King, knowing that the time had come for her to step into a divine purpose she had felt for so long.
The mix of fear and strength. Knowing that she was about to shape the course of history.
I see her pushing the doors open and entering in. I can imagine the sense of purpose she feels, I feel it too. The king extends his scepter to her and I imagine the king of kings extend his scepter to me.
In this season I sense the king asking me the same question Xerses asked Esther, “what do you want?” I find myself unable to articulate all that is in my heart. How am I qualified to ask the king for anything? Why me? How do I interact with Him? I suddenly want to hide. I guess I’m embarrassed that I'm actually not sure what is in my heart. I have so many mixed feelings. Is what I want what He wants. I don’t know what request will bring freedom. What request will move his heart?
In my processing he never looks away and intently says “up to half my kingdom.”
What a mind blowing moment to be in. The king wants to know what is in our hearts. Will we stay steady through the uncertainty our heart can sometimes feel? Will we continue to enter into the throne room knowing the risk of having our heart fully exposed. Will we be able to trust the king’s intentions toward us is good and that he will see his plans and purposes released on the earth?
I’m about to push the doors to the throne room open again. I'm about to enter. What will come from my heart, what petition will I bring? I'm not certain. This one thing I know is that my heart loves Him, and I love him deeply. I’m entering again, trusting that in this space I will learn more about my King and the one I love and serve. I am learning how to partner with Him and His purposes on the earth.